Me: “Used to be so ignorant and a shitty person in 2011, but now…*puts arm around one person and looks at them in the eyes* we all educated and self aware..*puts arm around another person on my other side and looks them in the eye and smiles* and we not shitty people. Now if you would excuse me my problematic ass got to go to the bathroom. *gets up and starts strutting towards bathroom where I see a little white toddler waiting outside bathroom while owner inside using bathroom, I grab him and show him to my Tumblr friends and say “hey look at this pasty white ass demon” and pull the mayonnaise out of my backpack and spread it all over their face. “Now eat a saltine” *Mom comes out and gets angry* Me: “Put your location on bitch I want to fight” *takes out chocolate spread grabs toddler and rubs it all over toddlers mouth and forces his mouth to my butt* “He eat ass!” *everybody at our Tumblr table laugh as angry mom grab toddler and leave*
AU: After a rough break up with Britney Spears, Harry decides it is time to be honest with himself. He begins to publicly open up about his Bisexuality. But to the shock of his Christian mother. She doesn’t handle it well and kicks him out. In an interview, Harry tearfully admits that his true love is Louis Tomlinson. When questioned about if she knew of Louis and Harry’s secret affair, Britney reacts both shocked and disgusted because she was sleeping with Harry while he slept with Louis.
Imagine you go to Subway and ask for a foot long peanut butter and jelly. They say they don’t make that! All of a sudden a man eating cuts his arm and start bleeding profusely and you point at the bloody arm and tell employee to use the blood as jelly!